Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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