someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
