Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
