I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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