He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He passed out mid-signature
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
