whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
