I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
