I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
