What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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