His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
