Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize