I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
