Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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