About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
