She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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