Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
