You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
