dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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