home. puking in laundry basket.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
