I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
