btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
