with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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