Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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