Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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