I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
