Walk of Shame. In a state park.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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