i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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