the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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