I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize