i think my tv is drunk
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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