Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
