Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
