Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
