I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
