Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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