Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
