Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
