i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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