I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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