You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
