You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
