This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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