I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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