I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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