I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
