Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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