So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When are your genitals available?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize