I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
