I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sext me about skeletons
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
