i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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