I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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