I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
