and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sext me about skeletons
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize