my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
