U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
