Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
