laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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