Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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