shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
