Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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