you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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