I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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