Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she peed on how many people?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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