Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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