clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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