How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
