i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
