I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize