i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
