I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
