if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
