jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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