i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
