shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize