I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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