Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
