I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
