Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
