i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
