Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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