I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
