Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
tell me about the fingering
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