You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize