so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
