cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so much tequila, so little girl.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
