Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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