You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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