you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
