my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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