PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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