I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
