Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
