girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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