hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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